Religion, Idendity, and So On...

         After the internship with Initiatives of Change Switzerland, two questions I was asked quite often have been stuck in my mind: "What kind of prayer do you do?" and "Why do you sound so American?".

          Spirituality, spirituality. Such a vague word to explore and explain. Being raised in a non-religious country, it is sometimes really hard for me to feel it, or to think of it. To search in my memory, the only pieces I can find are a few visits to temples with the attitude of boredom, and some books written in a language that is too old for me to bother.

          Mao thought the only way for a new China to beat the old China (that covers so many images of inhumanity and backwardness) was to completely separate the two. And there goes the Cultural Revolution. Now, the gap, the vacuum, is filled of people like me. We are the lucky ones; or we are just a bunch of lost souls.

           Looking back to our history, I see a blurred and twisted culture so far from me that is rarely possible to be found back. All the books I read that criticize the past to an extreme extent, the whole negative thing about current government and politics, and the radical prejudice of my family, make it such a painful process too.

Not finished. To Be Continued...

A Good Tibetan Girl-Imitation of Jamica Kincaid's Girl

Note: Guiding a younger sister who is living abroad on ABC of studying in a Tibetan boarding school with some hyperbole -)

Wake up early before the sunrise and take a shower; that way, you don't have to fight for a bathroom when it gets crowded; wake up early before the sunrise and gently call your roommates, so that they wont judge you for being unhelpful and jealous; don’t sing loud when you are taking shower; the walls are thin and you will get scolding’s from your houseparent; don't sing loud when you are in the corridor; you will wake the housemates up; don't forget to take your toiletries back to your room from the bathroom;brush your teeth every day and brush it carefully; put on a big smile for everyone; this way, people will think you are a good Tibetan girl.

 On Mondays, go for exercise; make sure you are always wearing shoes because you cannot run wearing slippers; don't tie your shoelaces this way because it will come off easily and you will fall; tie your shoelaces that way so that you can run as much as you want; always go to morning exercises; don't bunk it by sleeping because if you get caught, you will be punished; don’t play rough games in such ways that will make other people stare at you; you are a girl, act like one; This way, people will think you are a good Tibetan girl.

Is it true what Amala says?; are you not speaking in Tibetan with her?; you mustn’t forget your own language even when you are living abroad; you must speak Tibetan so that when you come here, you will get friends.

Always go to breakfast on time; do not talk when you are eating; this is called bad manner; this is how you eat tingmo; this is how you eat tingmo with jam on it; this is how you eat tingmo with butter on it; you must not keep your food to yourself, not even when you have very little; share it with others so that people will think you are a good Tibetan girl.

This is how you wash your plates after you eat; this is how you clean the dining room; this is how you sweep the floors; this is how you mop the floors so that when the house parent comes to inspect, there will not be stains; this is how you clean your room so that there will be no cobwebs, no dirty tables, no undone beds and unclean windows; make sure all your books are with you so that it doesn't interrupt your classroom studies; make sure you get to the classroom on time so that the prefects wont let you run around the school ground once, twice, thrice, ….This way, people will think you are a good Tibetan girl.

This is how you fold your hands for prayer; this is how you do your homework;

this is how you talk to your classmates who are boys; this is how the boys in class will talk to you; this is how you talk to students senior to you so that they know you

are junior to them; this is how you talk to students junior to you so that they know you are senior to them.

In class, make sure you do not eat; make sure you do not sleep so that the next thing you know is a slap on your face; always listen to your teacher even if it is boring, that way, you will get an A on attentiveness; always write notes even if you don't want to, that way, you will get an A on sincerity; you mustn’t ask too many questions because this will not get you an A on participation, this will get you a remark for being talkative.

I think I scared you. Don't worry too much. I know there is a good Tibetan girl in you and she will eventually come out.

Intellectual-ization of Tibetan Protest

Look at any great freedom movements in the history of the world,

At first, you might be moved, inspired by the patroitism and sacrifice the martyrs made for what they believe to be a larger cause.

But stay there. Linger. Think. Observe.

You might get surprised by the rationale, the strategy and the mind game that goes behind many of these successful protests. One thing for sure, there are definitely more than shouting and slogans. Some one, some where, in a room has thought through this.

Someone has thought through the science of protesting this way. What will be gain out of this? What will be lose through this? Will this be effective? How will it help us achieve our goals?

Take for example Gandhi. Everyone knows him. Atleast in India, everyone knows and idolises Gandhi. His salt march, popularly known as Dandi March was not simply an act of walking to the sea to make salt. As much as it is a direct political action, it stands out for the strong symbolism and shrewd strategy. It ticked because Gandhi or someone behind him has found out the secret to make this work.

This might look easy. Taking a walk. Let me stop you right there.


Simplicity cannot be compressively translated to easiness. 

Someone has learned the science of locations, the people, the timing in history, a sense of the political climate, right publicity and what not.

Great Movements do not happen by accident.

Therefore, I knew, the Tibetan movement will not be a great movement. I do not go to the protests when I do not even know my own history well. When I do not see the point in shouting at a small town when there are other things we need to work at. Besides, shouting isnt exactly my forte. Thinking through everything is.

For the longest time in history, the Tibetan movement was starved by lack of original ideas. Lack of thinking. Many protests were carried out with shouts, cries, flags and surprised on lookers. I do not doubt their love for the nation. I respect them for what they have done.

BUT. The but always comes. Doesnt it?

But we must ask ourselves some uncomfortable questions so that we get honest answers. Its time to face the truth.

The truth to know one's own shortcomings. The truth that there was no intellect behind the movements. There was only hot blood, no cold thinking.

So to change this depressing mood, let me give you a good news. And the good news looks something like this.

Just when I felt like giving up, I saw SFT. The students for free Tibet movement is unique from others. There are strategic. They plan. They prepare. And They attack. Well, in some sort. The SFT campaigns are simple but eye catching. They hit the right target. Seeing their work makes me believe that a new wave is coming in our long struggle.

A new wave of thinkers. A new wave of activism.

Slowly through documentaries, books, music, artistry, an intellectualization of the Tibetan protest is occuring. It is a good sign. Things will change. I belive that even if I dont believe anything else.

But will it change for good or better? Looking at the pool of talents we have now, only optimism has space in my mind.

Lets usher in a new age of thinking. Lets not sit back. Take your part in this freedom movement. It seems like a journey worth taking.

Think about this.

Am I still intellectually exploring?

Yesterday in our first international politics class, Professor Moon came up with a new word, or lets say a new phrase. Instead of using the word shopping to see the classes that suits us, she decided to make us say " I am intellectually exploring". After all, America is already too capitalist and consumer driven society. Lets leave education out of this capitalism, if it is possible.


Made Me Think.

For our home work, we have to check how many of the things that belongs us are made in which country? I thought it was quite self explanatory. Everything is made in China thesedays. For a Tibetan, it is literally impossible to boycott Chinese goods. After completing the exercise, I had a revelation. I found out that many other countries are also involved in this market. YET,  they all had one thing in common. There were all developing nations.Cheap Labor. Working Class.

I remembered a funny story. Back in India, when globalization was still an  unknown phenomenon, American imported goods were looked with eyes of curiosity and fascination. A friend of my dad went to the US for holiday. Coming back, he brought a GAP sweater. Ironically, it was made in India. The colleague traveled all the way across the seas to bring back something that was originally made in the country he lives in.

Made Me Think.

Our second assignment is to think of our role as an international actor. Where do you see yourself?
I felt that this question could be answered on many different levels. My nationality has always been a strong part of my identity. Through this association, I have always seen myself as a victim. A victim of powerful countries vested interest. As a general citizen of the world, I feel like a spectator to the international events most of the time.Living in America, I feel like a consumer that runs this huge capitalist country. So on and So forth. But very different assignment.

Very Interesting.

Made Me Think.

I guess I better stick with this class. Seems like it has a lot to offer.

Coming of Age

In a life where things do not always go the way we want it to be, it seems wise if we can accept our reality.

 The reality of something small as our appearance, to something bigger as what we have so far, what we do not have. The reality of our pride, of our shame, of the good times and of the bad times. It is easy to escape into fantasies where only happiness ( excitement would be a better word for a teenager) exists, where our deepest desires comes true.

Imagination is powerful.
Therefore,
It is dangerous.

Part of becoming an adult and a successful one at that ( I wanted to use happy but it seems even more difficult to achieve) lies in acceptance.

Acceptance of reality. The art of accepting. The politics of accepting. The philosophy. The business. The physics.

Not to brood but to move on. If can, then we can even appreciate all that is good in life. Not necessarily beautiful or exciting but good. To a teenager's imagination, this is the worst possible climax.

Oh this sucks. Why is nothing going the way I want it to be? Now I dont even have the dreams to escape into. Why so much emphasis on reality when it is nothing but an endless and circular trip of compromise, sacrifice, disappointment and dullness.

As the adult and the teenager inside me fights, I rebel, I succumb. I try, I try to be this, be that, not this, not that. YET who can master the game of life? No one knows. 

Convocation: New Beginning

We arrived late at the new alumnae hall for our convocation. If this was 40 years ago, we would not have seen the convocation. Thanks to technology, we went to a room with live casting of the speeches.

Each year when President Bottomly talks, I feel more respect for her. She has deep thoughts and her speech was invigorating and insightful. She talked about the importance of liberal art education in this 21st century. It came down to the point that here in Wellesley, we still a love of learning to all our students and we do it well with quality. By welcoming the new members of our faculty, I felt that not all changes are negative. I was unhappy to see old faculty leaving Wellesley because they have made this place what it is today.

However, we always need fresh ideas, different perspective. The creativity and potential of the college and our learning will broaden. One part of the talk that stayed with me is the ending. A person who wants to make a ship must do it out of curiosity to explore the sea. This metaphor is important to remember as we try to balance the big ideals and daily practical compromises.

Our new college government president has the grace, she has that X factor to make you tick. I carried from her the knowledge that to come to Wellesley, we had our share of hardwork, luck and preparation. What is important now is to make good use of our time here. It is what we do that will matter at the end.

The convocation made me proud of Wellesley. Although they are some things about the college that I do not agree with, beauty of american education ( if not democracy) is the acceptance of difference and if possible, its celebration. As we take our roots and fly our wings, as we embark upon a new adventure, may the curiosity to learn more always lead us. May this year bring new awakening in our lives.

September 8th 2010

What College Meant To Us

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times,

it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness,

it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, 

it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness,

it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair,

we had everything before us, we had nothing before us,

we were all going direct to heaven, we were all going direct the other way

Charles Dickens,   A Tale of Two Cities ( And Three Friends)

The Only Dream Worth Dreaming

 The only dream worth dreaming is that you will live when you are live and die only when you are dead.

Which means exactly what?

" To love, To be loved, To never forget your own insignificance.
   To never get used to the unspeakable violence and vulgar disparity of life around you.
   To seek joy in the saddest places, To pursue beauty to its lair. 
   To never simplify what is complicated or complicate what is simple.
    To respect strength, never power.

   Above all, to watch. To try and understand. To never look away.
   And never, never to forget."

   -Lyrical beauty penned by Arundhati Roy

Rendezvous of Faye Lu

"Faye Lu is an aspiring Wellesley sophomore. More than that, she is a learner, a swimmer, a great friend,  and the list goes on. Let's see whats on her mind this lovely evening."

Me: So Faye, tell us a little bit about yourself.
Faye: I am Faye. I am 18.I am born and raised in Nanjing, China. I think I am very friendly..and I am very passionate and helpful, like to help people.

Me: You mentioned that you are passionate. What is your passion?
Faye: Currently, I am not passionate about any specific cause. I am very passionate in simply knowing about this world, different people, their stories and culture.

Me: How did you develop an interest in knowing about other cultures?
Faye: I think it is just very natural. I think there must be a reason but I still need to find it. I think I just love it. You understand.

Me: Oh Do I ? Um.. Lets go on.

Faye: I guess because I watch movies like crazy when I was small. I like seeing movies from different countries. I like seeing different things. Thats in my personality. I dont like to stay in one place for too long. I like changes.

Me: You are originally from Nanjing but you are in Welleslsey now. How did the journey happened?
Faye: It started from my parents. They are fond of western culture of freedom in speech, action etc.. It influenced me. You can also say that it was my independent thought. Going to an international school in Nanjing and studying for summer school in America, all these experiences gave me thoughts about identity and this started the journey.

Me: Since moving to this country, what observation did you have of life in America and one back in China?
Faye: Ok, I think my life here is much more independent. I am mentally much happier because this is what I have been working for a long time. I just created this air of freedom for myself. When I got here, I can feel it. It is intangible. But I feel more free in terms of knowledge and thinking. I also feel more spiritual even though I am not religious.

Me: You said I feel more spiritual even though I am not religious. Tell me more about this.
FAye: (laughs).. Now I am having a control of my life. In order to achieve something, I need to be patient and persistent. That does not come out of nothing. So I need to have a spirit to keep going, even when it is difficult.

Me: Lets lighten up the mood a little. What do you like to do for fun?
Faye: Karaoke.

Pratibha interrupts in between and Faye shuts her up. *

And swimming in whatever water you can get.

Me: Are you a professional swimmer?
Faye: I tried to be. I used to train with professional coach. Then studying and everthing added up and now it is just a hobby.

Me: What do you think is the most important quality in a human being?
Faye: It is up to change. It is open mindedness, an ability to tolerate differences and curiosity for knowledge and truth. ( adds thats very lame once switching the intellectual mode off)

Me: Do you like funny people?
Faye: Depends on what kind of funny.

Me: What kind of funny people do you like?
Faye: I like funny people who are also able to be serious.
Me: Good Answer.

Me: Do you believe in sex before marriage?
Faye: I dont believe it. Personally, I think thats for sure.

Me: To you, what is sex?
Faye: It is two individuals willing to be very honest and to expose their everything to each other, not feel shameful, able to enjoy each other and help each other to have enjoyment. ..And to combine their spirits and souls.

Me: Just as an afternote, do you really think that is sex?
Faye:  (thinks)..There are different kinds of sex. ( goes to politically correct) I believe that you need to be conscious although it is not easy sometimes. With the person you really love, that is what sex is.

Me:What kind of boys do you like?
Faye: Come on
Me: Is that your answer?
Faye: I like boys who are willing to, whose, ok, who has a lot of cultural experience, you know, curious about different cultures, and um..serious about atleast, something.
Me: Anything else?
Faye: Um..(thinks like puting her hands in her hair).. Its hard to include everything.

Me: What is education to you?
FAye: One part is to gain knowledge of the world, the other part which is more important is to train your brain to get your own way of thinking. ( thinks she sounds lame, I comfort her and she thanks me)

Me: Alright, if you have three wishes that you can fulfill, what are they?
Faye: I hope Tibet can be free ( I hope you are serious about that), though it is not like the most important thing in the world, it can give people hope.

No. 2 is ..( thinks very hard)/... I hope ..I can only think about political things.

Me: you can be stupid and say i want to be a fucking billionaire.

I hope I can live to the day China will be democratic. I think the two can actually combine. Coz it is the same thing.

I hope I can find my partner.

Thats it. Thats serious as well.


Like a very good one. To me. Personally.


Me: So Faye, this is your last question. Do you want to be sexy?
Faye: Yeah , why not. I dont know some people.. it is hard to describe. it is not just about appearance. I think I can get physically sexy as long as my hair grow and I get a tan.. ( i have to delete the last phrase.)

Me: It was a pleasure talking to you. I hope you can come on my show some other time.
Faye: Thank you. I hope you have a successful career. Hope to see you again.


So Ladies and Gentlemen, so this is my rendezvous with Miss Faye Lu. Continue watching one on one with the one and only TYD*

Borderless Imagination

Sitting here in an electronically heated basement room, my thoughts cannot help but run towards home. I don't need to close my eyes to see my grandmother and our home. The memory flashes from time to time. It is so clear that it is almost...almost real. I see the red woolen carpet on which my grandmother will be praying and dozing, I can feel the fur of Tashi as I pat him on his back, I hear my mother's voice as she cooks in the kitchen. All I need to do is sit still for a while and whoosh, it all comes back. Feeling home so close makes me warm inside.

I do not let myself think of the distance that separates us, the physical distance that is. I do not want to count the thousands of miles and the great oceans that stand between us. My mind transcends borders. In my mind, they might as well be very next to me that if I listen carefully, I will hear my grandma breathing.

Living in India and America taught me one thing. There is difference between calmness and silence.
The familiarity of life at Dharamsala, The breathtaking Dhauladhar ranges that stands proud from my window, The love of my family brings calmness in my heart. But here in America, sometimes the silence of this room, this town and this new life kills the music within me. It leaves behind a cold, eery feeling of emptiness. No matter how beautiful is the view infront of me, it does not have the feel of home, the feeling of warmth even in coldness.

Some might call the streets of Dharamsala chaotic, even hard to stand. But for me, these are the streets that are part of what I call home. I have grown used to the chaos, I have unconsciously loved them too. The Tibetan music that I used to listen from our classroom window when the teaching gets boring, the heavenly small of momo from restaurants when I run home hungry for lunch, the faces of street vendors whom I have known since young, I have grown up loving them. When I first came to this country, I miss not having the noise.

I hesitate writing diaries. It makes me nostalgic. It makes me think of the past, perhaps too much. I am afraid of falling behind. In a country where future is all that matters, I do not want to fall behind. I want to move ahead. The beauty of America lies in its opportunities. It is a land of endless opportunities. Opportunities that I must have, I must have them if I want my goals to be fulfilled.

Though pessimist at first, I have also started caring for my home here. In my mind, there are no different countries. Home is where they are people I love. In my dreams, I often mix my friends here and back home.

The imagination is borderless.

It makes you be at two places at once.

"The greatest journeys are the ones that brings you home"

TYD * September 6th 2010

Opiumed Life of Restless Minds

Youth has passion; to break the old ideas,

Youth has the vanity; to be revolutionaries,

Youth has the courage; to dare on adventures,

Youth has the vulnerability; to succumb to ulterior motives

Youth has the purity; to live their dreams out

Youth has the energy; to act on their ideals.

A Troubled Soul...