Borderless Imagination

Sitting here in an electronically heated basement room, my thoughts cannot help but run towards home. I don't need to close my eyes to see my grandmother and our home. The memory flashes from time to time. It is so clear that it is almost...almost real. I see the red woolen carpet on which my grandmother will be praying and dozing, I can feel the fur of Tashi as I pat him on his back, I hear my mother's voice as she cooks in the kitchen. All I need to do is sit still for a while and whoosh, it all comes back. Feeling home so close makes me warm inside.

I do not let myself think of the distance that separates us, the physical distance that is. I do not want to count the thousands of miles and the great oceans that stand between us. My mind transcends borders. In my mind, they might as well be very next to me that if I listen carefully, I will hear my grandma breathing.

Living in India and America taught me one thing. There is difference between calmness and silence.
The familiarity of life at Dharamsala, The breathtaking Dhauladhar ranges that stands proud from my window, The love of my family brings calmness in my heart. But here in America, sometimes the silence of this room, this town and this new life kills the music within me. It leaves behind a cold, eery feeling of emptiness. No matter how beautiful is the view infront of me, it does not have the feel of home, the feeling of warmth even in coldness.

Some might call the streets of Dharamsala chaotic, even hard to stand. But for me, these are the streets that are part of what I call home. I have grown used to the chaos, I have unconsciously loved them too. The Tibetan music that I used to listen from our classroom window when the teaching gets boring, the heavenly small of momo from restaurants when I run home hungry for lunch, the faces of street vendors whom I have known since young, I have grown up loving them. When I first came to this country, I miss not having the noise.

I hesitate writing diaries. It makes me nostalgic. It makes me think of the past, perhaps too much. I am afraid of falling behind. In a country where future is all that matters, I do not want to fall behind. I want to move ahead. The beauty of America lies in its opportunities. It is a land of endless opportunities. Opportunities that I must have, I must have them if I want my goals to be fulfilled.

Though pessimist at first, I have also started caring for my home here. In my mind, there are no different countries. Home is where they are people I love. In my dreams, I often mix my friends here and back home.

The imagination is borderless.

It makes you be at two places at once.

"The greatest journeys are the ones that brings you home"

TYD * September 6th 2010